Dear Five-Year-Old Currier,

Wasn’t it just yesterday that you were pulled into the world screaming, slippery, and wriggling while I laid there exhausted, terrified, and paralyzed. I’ve replayed your birth in my head so many times. After 48 hours of labor, I was delirious when they finally cut you out of me. They held you to my face, I yelped, “I love you” and then I collapsed into a deep sleep. I was dreaming of the beach when the nurse woke me to feed you by placing your warm tiny body on my chest.  I come back to that memory often, your eyes staring at me, the two of us meeting for the first time. I remember feeling like I’ve known you forever.

I love the age you’re at now. You’re becoming more self-sufficient every day which makes life much easier for me. You dress yourself, get your own drinks and snacks, wipe your own ass (not very well as your underwear proves), buckle your seat belt and shower all on your own.  At the rate you’re learning things, I figure we can get you out of the house and on your own by the time you turn six.

Last week you had several seizures in the car on the way to school and then you lost consciousness. This was the first time anything like that has ever happened and of course it had to happen while your father was away for work. It happened very quickly but the thoughts that raced through my brain lasted forever and those thoughts knocked the wind out of me. I’m still trying to catch my breath. Don’t ever do that to me again!

You have changed so much since that morning five years ago when you spiraled into my life.  I have changed too.  You are growing into a fine young man and I'm a better person because of you.  My mind will forever be occupied with your well being.  I want you to be safe and healthy.  I want you to be happy, content and kind.  I want you to always feel my love.  Happy 5th Birthday Little Buddy!  You mean the world to me. 
All my love,
Mama