Dear Six Year Old Rya D.,

Dear Five-Year-Old Rya D.,

Now that you're five that means you'll be off to Kindergarten next year.  My emotions are a pendulum swinging from pure excitement (Eight hours all to myself!) to utter sadness (Eight hours all to myself?).  I’m certainly going to enjoy my time alone but I’ll also miss my little helper, crazy co-pilot, and favorite lunch date.    

Your speech has improved greatly but you still have trouble pronouncing some words like “Currier” to you is “Turrier”, which we all think is adorable so we don’t correct you on that one.  The speech therapists and doctors think you’re caught up to speed now so you should have an easy transition into Kindergarten.   

Lately you’re obsessed with what you were like as a baby.  We look at the blog almost daily so you can see pictures of yourself and listen to the stories.  It make me feel thankful that I started this blog so you and Currier can always come back to see your lives unfold. 

I'm trying to revel in every moment with you as your school years are quickly approaching.  Sometimes I wrap you in a blanket and rock you on my lap (per your request!) just like I did when you were a baby.  We both love this.  As you grow into a young lady, I can imagine you’ll still want to be swaddled on my lap but I hope you’ll always come to me for warmth and love. 

All my love,

Mama

Dear Four-Year-Old Rya D.,

This year I quit my job as an editor to stay home with you. Although I really enjoyed working for Arcadia, especially sitting in a quiet office all day and fooling around all day working with some of the best co-workers I've ever had, I enjoy spending my day with you WAY more. I doubt I'll ever regret my decision to spend more time with you. By the time you wake each morning, Currier is off to school and Daddy is on his way to work. You yell from the top of the stairs as I sip my coffee, "Mom, is Currier and Daddy gone?" I yell back, "Yes, they're gone!" You beam, "Just us girls!" Oh Rya, I can't tell you enough how much I love our girl time! We usually eat a quick breakfast and then rush to the gym to get to my class on time (or a few minutes late—we are Balents after all!) You never complain though. I think you love the gym just as much as I do—it’s a routine and an opportunity to socialize. After the gym we usually run an errand or two and it's effortless to have you tag along.  After lunch it’s quiet time (I snooze for 30 minutes or so while you watch Power Rangers—thank you so much for letting me nap!  Currier NEVER let me do this.  I owe you big time—and here it is in writing!) and then we usually do a craft or paint our nails before Currier gets off the bus.  Our days together are simple and in the moment never appear to be anything special but as I sit here writing about them I hope you look back on these times with as much adoration as I do. 

 

Next week you’re being tested by the State of South Carolina for a special needs program.  Two years ago you were recommended for the program by your pediatrician and the State funded your speech therapy because you were diagnosed developmentally delayed (that’s just a fancy way of saying late talker) and you were released from the program last year.  Well, unfortunately since I took you out of daycare to stay home with me you’ve relapsed quite a bit (Okay, a lot!  No one can understand anything you say except for me!), so now it’s me that is recommending you for the program because as much as it kills me I know it is what is best for you.  Being a mother is the most rewarding and most heart breaking experience of my life.  I hope one day you get to experience EXACTLY what I’m talking about because it is beautiful and it is consuming and will make you lose sleep with worry and it will make you feel love explode inside your chest.  I recommend this experience to everyone.   

 

This has been a tough year for our family.  It started off with our dog, Paolo, breaking his back followed by both of our cars dying within weeks of each other and then things just kept unraveling after that—how do you say financial shitshow politely?  There is no nice way of saying this year sucked and yet I look back at how you handled all the stress, crying, arguing and heartbreak in our house and it makes me proud how adaptable and positive you are in crappy situations.  It’s a good disposition, my friend, because these times come and go throughout life and learning to cope through laughter is key.  Trust me—just keep laughing. 

 

The years are slipping by and that is why I’m so happy I was able to slow down and just be with you.  Sure, most days aren’t very exciting and they’re just spent idly at home but truthfully I don’t have ANY memories of my mother outside the home and I am forever comforted by those impressions.  I lost my mother when I was a little girl and I can only hope I am giving you half of the love that my mother gave me.  If that is so, you will be just fine, my sweet, darling, quirky, beautiful, smart four-year-old! 

 

All my love,

Mama

Dear Three-Year-Old Rya D.,

Three years ago, I scheduled a C-section as casually as I would a pedicure. It was really that simple. I chose November 17th so you could share your birthday with your grandfathers—Papi Balent and Papa Currier. Four days before your actual due date, I checked into the East Cooper Medical Center for a 12:30PM appointment, and 33 minutes later you were born without any pain or pushing. It was really that simple. You continue to live your life as simply as you entered this world.

For most of your life I thought you were the serious one in our wacky family, but this past year you’ve pleasantly surprised me with a very dry sense of humor. One evening, I noticed your bedroom light on past 9PM and when I stormed upstairs I found you playing with your dollhouse. I demanded, “Rya, get in bed now! It’s way past your bedtime!” You placed the tiny dollhouse bed on the floor, sat on it, and as serious as cancer said, “I can’t sleep in this bed; Rya too big!” Another funny incident that sticks out in my mind deals with the disgusting fake-plastic-rabid-rat that we display at Halloween. Throughout the holiday season, you would periodically hug the repulsive thing and call it “Mama”— that's wicked funny!  Trust me, this sense of humor will carry you through the toughest times in life—I am so thankful that you have it!

You finished speech therapy this year, yet, a few months later the State of South Carolina called me saying that they wanted to test you for the “special needs” program. I’d be a liar to say that phone call didn’t bother me. One thing you can always depend on from me is honesty, Rya. I actually spent 10 minutes in the stairwell of Arcadia Publishing “pulling myself together”. You went through a series of tests and passed them all—thankfully. But, please know that if you hadn’t passed, I would have had your back. There was a Plan B. I always have a backup plan. That’s another thing you should know about me.

So back to this simple way of life—you continue to be very easy going with an occasional 3-year-old outburst. You’re easily entertained, you make me laugh unintentionally, you’re ridiculously gorgeous and, above all, you have a kind heart. A mother couldn’t ask more. You’re a dream. Don’t ever wake me up.

All my love,
Mama

Dear Two-Year-Old Rya D.,

You turned two years old today! This morning Currier said that you still look the same as yesterday so you couldn’t be two because you still look like one-year-old Rya. But I noticed the change, Rya. Moms always notice these things. You are no longer my baby. You’re my little girl. A little girly girl!

It’s fun to watch your little personality sprouting. You are kind and gentle and stubborn and quirky and coy. Your generous hugs make my heart melt, your insistent drive makes my heart rate soar and your adorable playfulness makes my heart swell. I love the person you are becoming. You are special and you are in my heart.

You’re an absolute nightmare to put to bed now that you are no longer in a crib. You get up dozens of times and your father and I have to keep putting you back in your bed until we both collapse from exhaustion. You think this whole scenario is hilarious. Your father and I not so much.

You are in speech therapy right now because you’re a late talker. I was worried at first but now I’m confident that nothing is wrong with you. You just don’t have much to say. You’re an observer and a good listener, like your father. This makes me love you ever more.

My little girl is no longer a baby and it all happened so fast. One day before I know it you’ll be a grown woman and this ring will fit you. I need you to know that no matter how far away you go or how different we may become, I want this ring to remind you that you will always be my little girl and you will always be in my heart. 

All my love,
Mama

Dear One-Year-Old Rya D.,

I attempted to start a little growth project similar to your brother's and it so didn't work out. I've been thinking about it for weeks now and couldn't decide what to do. I thought maybe a picture of you in a bathing suit every year? Or your grandmother's fur coat? Or a t-shirt? Your dad wanted a Dallas Cowboys t-shirt and I wanted a Patriots t-shirt. Luckily, I couldn't find a Dallas Cowboys t-shirt so we went with a Patriots t-shirt picture. You refused to cooperate and you just cried and cried. Your father loved every second of it and claimed it proved that you're a Cowboys fan. Whatever, I don't care.

After putting you to bed it hit me. I want you to have your grandmother's diamond and sapphire ring. It's incredibly special. It's an heirloom. It has a story. And it's yours when you turn 18. Until then, I'll always take a picture of you wearing it on your birthday. Sure beats a stupid t-shirt don't it!?

Happy birthday Rya Diane.

All my love,
Mama

Eleven Months Old

Dear Rya D.,

Seriously? Are you seriously eleven months old already? How on earth can you be eleven months old? I just can’t wrap my mind around how fast you're growing up. It was just yesterday that we took you home from the hospital, cradling you in my arms and feeling your tiny breaths on my chest. And now that tiny baby is walking!

It was in the morning a few weeks ago before your father left for work so everyone got to witness those first steps. It was a beautiful moment and we're all so excited for you. I think you're pretty proud of yourself too.

This month I went away to Massachusetts for a long weekend to visit my father, who is ill. I've never been away from you except for the occasional hour here and there so this was a big deal for me. I wish I could say that I missed you the moment we said good-bye at the airport but truth be told I really enjoyed the break from you and Currier. It wasn't until the third day that my heart began to ache for you guys. I think you guys ached for me too because ever since I've been back you've both been a little more clingy and that's okay because I'm feeling a little more clingy to you and Currier too!

All my love,
Mama

Ten Months Old

Dear Rya D.,

You're ten months old today. I'm not really sure where this month went. It went by in a flash and I felt frazzled all month but I still managed to notice a few of your milestones. You're standing on your own, you're saying Mama, you're opening cabinets, and you're throwing adorable tizzy fits.

It just happened last week. Your father and I looked over and there you were standing in the middle of kitchen looking so proud of yourself. We're pretty proud of you too and we're anticipating those first steps any day now. You finally said "Mama" and now you say it all the time because you get a big reaction out of me every time you say it. You started opening the kitchen cabinets which reminds me that I need to child proof the house but honestly I doubt I'll ever get around to doing it. You've been throwing little tantrums if I try to put you down. You arch your back and screech and I'm not supposed to think that's funny but I do. You are just so stinking cute even when you're being a stinker.

No matter how busy life gets or how frazzled I feel, I promise to try to slow down and observe your achievements. I may not always applaud them out loud but I notice and I am so proud.

All my love,
Mama

Nine Months Old

Dear Rya D.,

You're nine months old today. You're getting to be such a big girl. You're crawling all over the place and have even made it to the top of the stairs. You're standing and taking assisted steps. You have four top teeth coming in. Your first word was "Dada" despite my drilling to say "Mama" first.

I took you to the doctor this morning for your nine month check up. You weigh 20 pounds 8 ounces and you're 29 inches long. That puts you in the 75th percentile for weight and 95th percentile for height. The doctor said that you are healthy and solid—and you have the prettiest eyes he has ever seen.

Now that you're mobile, Currier has taken a bigger interest in you. He likes to hop in your playpen and play with you and he requests that you sit and snuggle him on the couch and watch television. He's not always so sweet to you though—especially if you go anywhere near his train table. You've taken a few good whacks to the head as a result. I keep promising Currier that one day you will pay him back.

Nine months. You've been in the world now for the same amount of time that I carried you in my belly. You are so much easier to care for on the outside than you were on the inside. Get used to it—I will always remind you of the nine months of hell I went through to bring you into this world. Of course it was all worth it. Now hurry up and say, "Mama".

All my love,
Mama

Eight Months Old

Dear Rya D.,

You're eight months old now. This month you took another road trip, started standing and stopped eating baby food. You endured another car ride to Florida—this time not so pleasant. Our car overheated on the way there and blew the radiator on the way home. You did remarkably well considering the long hours strapped to a car seat.

The ridiculous car ride was worth it. We spent a whole week at a beach house on Captiva Island with the Balent family. As the youngest family member, you were the center of attention. Everyone fought over whose turn it was to hold you, feed you and play with you. I let them work out whose turn it was and I took a break from my motherly duties and relaxed. I missed you by the end of the week.

You started pulling yourself up and standing at the beach house. One afternoon after nap, your father and I found you standing in your playpen looking so proud. We both nearly cried we were so excited for you. It was a wonderful moment I know I won't forget because we took fifty pictures of you standing there.

We stopped feeding you baby food and starting cutting up and feeding you whatever we're eating. You were turning your head to baby food or grabbing the spoon and flinging it so I finally got the hint. You are so much happier and less messy at mealtimes. You love avocado, grilled pineapple, bananas and blueberry cereal bars.

You grew and changed so much in just a week of vacation. It's so bittersweet to watch my baby become a little girl. Please slow down.

All my love,
Mama

Seven Months Old

Dear Rya D.,

You're seven months old today. Your hair is getting blonder, your eyes bluer. You hit several big milestones this month—a road trip, some crawling and two teeth. Your first road trip was a success. We didn't hear a peep from you the whole 8 hour drive to and from your Mimi and Papi's house in Florida. You charmed your grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins and you were an absolute joy at Disney World. You are a good traveler which is a must in this family.

You started crawling this month which means that I have to keep on Currier to pick up his Legos and Matchbox cars and anything else that you could potentially choke on. It's a daunting task and one of my least favorite parts of motherhood. You also cut your first teeth this month which means we had some cranky moments. One evening we couldn't figure out why you were inconsolable until we caught a glimpse of two little white stubs poking out of your swollen, bottom gums. You had to scream your head off for me to see, "Ah ha, she's teething! Can you see them right there on the bottom." I gave you a little Tylenol and a cold cloth to suck on and you looked at me like, "About time woman!" You would think I would know this stuff by now but I'm still an amateur—sorry.

Your father and I still get teased, "Who's baby is that?" People can't understand how two dark eyed, dark haired people can have a blue eyed, blond baby. Just for fun I tell them that I stole you or that you're the mailman's kid. For the record though both your father and I had blond hair as children and a quick lesson in genetics will explain how you ended up with blue eyes.

Rya, you're growing quick and hitting milestones faster than I can clear the floor of choking hazards and spot sore gums. Those are the moments of motherhood that tire me out. A long road trip without a peep, a day at Disney full of smiles and being complimented on your beautiful blond hair and blue eyes are the moments that give me my second wind. And then the wind is knocked out of me when someone says, "That's not your baby is it? She looks nothing like you."

All my love,
Mama

Six Months Old

Dear Rya D.,

I can't believe you're six months old today! Time is flying by. I wish I could press pause on life right here right now because you are so perfect. So easy. So small. So lovely.

Last week I stopped breastfeeding. Something that makes me a little sad and a little psyched. Sad because I will never experience that beautiful bond ever again and psyched because my nipples will never leak in public ever again. I lasted as long as I could and considering the problems I had with low milk supply, I'm pleased to have lasted six months. One day you will be a mother and you will understand the beauty and sacrifice of breastfeeding. It is awesome.

Oh, to be a mother is awesome—and a privilege. I know it's totally cliché to say but you have made my life complete. Last week I was shopping and bought some silly, little ceramic tooth boxes for you and Currier for when you lose your teeth. When the saleswoman was wrapping up the pink and blue boxes, it hit me that I have a boy and a girl—the perfect (and lucky!) combination—and I felt so complete. So happy.

I lost my mother when I was a young girl. Losing her taught me to appreciate my relationships and to love with all my heart. It was Mother's Day last week—a day that for many years symbolized loss and sadness for me. But now it symbolizes fulfillment and sheer joy—thanks to you and Currier. You are beautiful proof that life goes on.

Rya Diane, you are named after the mother I lost and you are a constant reminder of everything I have. I don't want you to ever grow up and yet I can't wait for you to grow up so we can be best friends. You are my second chance at the mother-daughter relationship that I missed out on. You are the daughter I always wanted. I love you. I adore you. Thank you.

All my love,
Mama

Five Months Old

Dear Rya D.,

You're five months old today. You are an absolute joy. You are easy-peasy-chubby-cheek-squeezy. I hope I don't jinx myself by putting it in writing but I swear Rya, you have got to be the most easy-going baby EVER! And thank God for that because you owe me BIGTIME for the 9 months of horror you put me through carrying you in my belly. Get used to it because I will remind you for as long as I shall live how sick I felt being pregnant with you.

I realize that I'm biased but honest to God Rya you are absolutely adorable. Just when I think your eyelashes couldn't get any longer or your thighs any chubbier, I wake to find your eyelashes grew another mile and your thighs another roll. I could eat you up. Seriously, with a side of fava beans and a nice bottle of Chianti.

People tell me that you look nothing like me or your father. "Whose kid is this?" they tease. I tell them if there was some sort of crazy mix up at the hospital and we got the wrong baby that there was no way in hell I would give you back. But I know for sure that there was no mix up. You're our child. There is no question that you have your father's nose and my feet (sorry about that).

Thank you for being so simple, so beautiful and so easy to love! You are worth every second of sickness I felt when I was pregnant with you. I would do it a hundred times over for you.

All my love,
Mama

Four Months Old

Dear Rya D.,

You're four-months-old today! This month you started drooling big time. The upside to all this drool is that we don't have to fill the dogs' water bowl anymore because they just stay hydrated by licking your chin. Speaking of Bruco and Paolo, have I told you how much they love you? They adore you and judging by your giant smiles I believe you love them too.

You smile the most for Currier. We were worried that Currier would be jealous of you but he's not. He has loved you from the second he met you and you are fascinated by him. He wants you to be a part of everything. If we're about to head out somewhere he'll ask, "Is baby Rya coming?" and I'll ask, "Do you want her to come?" The answer is always, "yes". He also looks out for you. Whenever you cry, he yells, "Mom, Rya needs you!" If I can't get to you right away, he calms you by saying, "Sh sh sh, it's okay baby Rya." I'm not foolish enough to think you'll always get along this well but I am smart enough to know that you two have a special bond. It's comforting to know that you have each other.

You started laughing this month. Not for me though—just your daddy. He bounces you on his belly and sings silly songs and you think it's hilarious. At first we didn't know what the heck the sound was that you were making and then we realized you were laughing. You have a quirky, contagious laugh and I can't wait to hear more of it!

You still haven't slept in your crib in your own room. You sleep in a co-sleeper beside our bed. You usually wake around 4AM and I pull you into bed with me and nurse you until you fall back asleep right beside me. I can feel your tiny breaths and your warm little body against mine and that's my favorite time with you. I don't want these moments to end.

So Miss Rya Diane, I guess what I'm trying to say is we're all crazy about you! You're the perfect fit to our wacky little family.

All my love,
Mama

Three Months Old

Dear Rya D.,

You're three-months-old today and you still have your newborn blue eyes. We’ve been waiting to see if your eyes will turn brown like mine or hazel like your father’s but nope they’re still blue as ever. I looked back at pictures of Currier when he was three months old and his blue eyes had already turned brown by now. So, we’re thinking a recessive gene snuck in there and maybe we’ve got ourselves a blue eyed girl.

This month we’ve discovered that you love music. I mean really LOVE it. Within seconds of hearing music your whole demeanor changes. Just a few notes can change you from irritable to tranquil. You like all kinds of music but some of your favorite songs right now are I’m Yours, Skinny Love, Fix You and Hey There Delilah (We sing, "Hey There Rya"). Whenever you’re fussy I switch on the IPod and dance with you in the kitchen. Several times a day you make me drop everything I’m doing to listen to music and dance with you. I love you for that.

As much as I love your blue eyes, I don’t care if they change to brown or hazel but I do hope your love for music will never change. Whether your three months old or thirty years old, I hope you will always find comfort in music and I hope you will always be able to make me drop everything to dance with you in the kitchen.

All my love,
Mama

Two Months Old

Dear Rya D.,

You're two-months-old today. We have a well established routine now and you're a pretty easy baby. I suspect you're going to be a very even-tempered person like your father. You have your fussy moments (usually between 10 and 12 at night) but otherwise you're content. I love this about you.

Only 62 days old and you've already earned a couple nicknames. I call you "Rizzy Dizzy" or "Riz". Those crazy newborn crossed eyes started it and it just stuck. Your dad calls you "Booger" (the guy from Revenge of the Nerds) because you burp louder than a frat boy at a kegger. And whenever you cry, we all tease you and call you "Rya the Crier". Sorry for that.

This month you had a major growth spurt (thanks to the formula supplements) so now I sadly need to pack the newborn clothes away. You also developed a yucky case of cradle cap on your eyebrows this month. I know this must have been terribly embarrassing for you so I took care of it with a little dandruff shampoo. You can pay me back by plucking my eyebrows for me when I'm an old lady.

Finally, this month you gave us your first smile and it is utterly intoxicating. Thank you for that. It's the best gift you can ever give me!

All my love,
Mama

One Month Old

Dear Rya D.,

You are one-month-old today. I don’t know where the time went. It feels like it was just yesterday that we brought you home from the hospital and yet the adjustment was so swift that I feel like you’ve always been a part of our family.

I’m much more relaxed and confident as a mother the second time around so I feel like I’m able to enjoy you more. I know this time goes by in a flash so I relish in every second because I know I will never get these moments back. You love to be held and I love holding you so we get along just fine. I could stare at you for hours. I love your crazy Pat Benatar hair, your dainty fingers, your Balent nose, your pouty lips, your double chin and your skinny legs. You have serious eyes, a sweet-raspy cry and the softest hands. You’ve already grown and changed so much in these four short weeks.

As I watch you grow, I want to stop the world and hold you. I want to protect you from everything bad. I wish I could promise that you will never feel sad, angry or betrayed. I can’t promise you that, but I can promise you love. Your father, brother and I love you more than you could possibly know and I hope you will always feel our love.

All my love,
Mama