This year I quit my job as an editor to stay home with you.
Although I really enjoyed working for Arcadia, especially sitting in a quiet
office all day and fooling around all day working with some of the best
co-workers I've ever had, I enjoy spending my day with you WAY more. I doubt
I'll ever regret my decision to spend more time with you. By the time you wake
each morning, Currier is off to school and Daddy is on his way to work. You
yell from the top of the stairs as I sip my coffee, "Mom, is Currier and
Daddy gone?" I yell back, "Yes, they're gone!" You beam,
"Just us girls!" Oh Rya, I can't tell you enough how much I love our
girl time! We usually eat a quick breakfast and then rush to the gym to get to
my class on time (or a few minutes late—we are Balents after all!) You never
complain though. I think you love the gym just as much as I do—it’s a routine
and an opportunity to socialize. After the gym we usually run an errand or two
and it's effortless to have you tag along.
After lunch it’s quiet time (I snooze for 30 minutes or so while you
watch Power Rangers—thank you so much for letting me nap! Currier NEVER let me do this. I owe you big time—and here it is in writing!)
and then we usually do a craft or paint our nails before Currier gets off the
bus. Our days together are simple and in
the moment never appear to be anything special but as I sit here writing about
them I hope you look back on these times with as much adoration as I do.
Next week you’re being tested by the State of South Carolina
for a special needs program. Two years
ago you were recommended for the program by your pediatrician and the State
funded your speech therapy because you were diagnosed developmentally delayed (that’s
just a fancy way of saying late talker) and you were released from the program
last year. Well, unfortunately since I
took you out of daycare to stay home with me you’ve relapsed quite a bit (Okay,
a lot! No one can understand anything
you say except for me!), so now it’s me that is recommending you for the
program because as much as it kills me I know it is what is best for you. Being a mother is the most rewarding and most
heart breaking experience of my life. I
hope one day you get to experience EXACTLY what I’m talking about because it is
beautiful and it is consuming and will make you lose sleep with worry and it
will make you feel love explode inside your chest. I recommend this experience to everyone.
This has been a tough year for our family. It started off with our dog, Paolo, breaking
his back followed by both of our cars dying within weeks of each other and then
things just kept unraveling after that—how do you say financial shitshow politely? There is no nice way of saying this year
sucked and yet I look back at how you handled all the stress, crying, arguing and
heartbreak in our house and it makes me proud how adaptable and positive you
are in crappy situations. It’s a good disposition,
my friend, because these times come and go throughout life and learning to cope
through laughter is key. Trust me—just
keep laughing.
The years are slipping by and that is why I’m so happy I was
able to slow down and just be with you. Sure,
most days aren’t very exciting and they’re just spent idly at home but truthfully
I don’t have ANY memories of my mother outside the home and I am forever comforted
by those impressions. I lost my mother when
I was a little girl and I can only hope I am giving you half of the love that
my mother gave me. If that is so, you
will be just fine, my sweet, darling, quirky, beautiful, smart
four-year-old!
All my love,
Mama
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